Les Misney
by TastingInsanity
Summary: When ValJean is taken from Paris to the magical world of Disney, who knows what will happen? Now you can request a disney character for our next chapter: Look Down or any other chapter you want! R and R.
1. Chapter 1

Les Mis. 

Written by me and my cousin, Mush

Disclaimer: We don't own Les Mis or any of the characters except the made up ones...cause if we did we would be singing along with Valjean..oh well..

Chapter 1

Once upon a time,in a jail in Paris there was a chain gang, singing uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh. While they were singing that, the 7 dwarves(from Snow White), committed of burgalary,murder,theft,hi jacking a car, pushing runaway carts down streets, stealing a little old lady's purse,and taking candy from a baby were singing heigh ho, heigh ho its off to work we go. Oh yeah they'e real bad. Bad 2 the bone. Real dare devils if you ask me.

"Now bring me prisoner 24601 your time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means?" Javert the head cop appeared out of no where and said to the gang.

"Uhhhh ummmm uhhh(thinking hard)hmmm I need my thinking cap on. Hmmmmm let's see here.Wait wait..." A man stepped out of line and told him. "Uh. Line please."

The director was about to yell out the line when there was a knock on the door.It was Snow White!Yay!

"Hello everyone! It's me Snow White!" She called out to Javert,the gang, and the dwarves. "Oh My Good Golly Gosh! It's so untidy in here. I must start my work at once!"

Javert looked at Valjean and shrugged. Valjean answered with the cuckoo sign. They were then interrupted by Snow White.

"Time for...SPRING CLEANING!!!" She snapped her fingers and a parade of forest animals came in with matching buckets and mops. Snow White then gave out Mr.Clean Magic Erasers to the chain gang. "Forest friends! Charge!" she said. Soon, the forest friends werecleaning and scrubbing. Then the place was spotless.When their good deed was done, Snow White snapped her fingers, and then all of the animals said.

"Hooray for Snow WHite! All hail Snow White!"

"Thank you." She repiled then skipped out leaving a trail of rose petals. The animals quickly followed.

"Now...where were we? Oh yes...Get out of here NOW!" Javert yelled at Valjean who was quick to leave.

"Drink from the pool, how clean the taste..." as he sang that, he scooped up a scoopful of water from the lake. While he was scooping the the water, Ariel from the little mermaid said:

"What? What happened? Who r u??? Where's Sebastian, Flounder, and Ursula?

"huh?" Valjean said with a weird, posessed, confused, look on his face.

"Ohhh. Forget it!" Ariel said before diving back into the lake.

"Ok." He walked towards a lit cottage in the middle of a small village. Valjean knocked on the door . Snow white appeared and sang in her lovely voice:

"Come in sir,for you are weary, and the night is cold out there. Though our lives are very humble,what we have we have to share."She then stopped singing and picked up a huge bunny named Gilbert(who was one of her cleaning forest friends).

"Uhhhh.thanks..." Jean said to her before dropping the bunny on the ground. That bunny would give me some good eatin'. He thought. So he picked Gilbert the bunny back up and ran out of the house!!!!!!

The next day he was brought back to the princess's house by two guards that had saw him running into the night with Gilbert. They had brought him to her, so that he could be punished.The first guard started to interogate Valjean.

"Tell his reverence your story. Let us see if he's impressed. You were lodging here last night. You were the honest princess' guest. And then out of princess goodness,when we learned about your plight,you maintain he made a present of this rabbit?"

"that is right. But my friend you left so early something surely slipped you're mind. You forgot I gave these also would you leave the rest behind?" He holds up two rabbits named Silbert and Bilbert. "So monsieurs you may release him, for this man has spoken true. I commend you for you duties, and Gods blessing go with you. "But remember this my brother,seeing this some higher plan you must use these precious rabbits to become an honest man.By the wittness of the marytrs, by the passion and the blood, God has raised you out of darkness. I have bought your soul for God."

Now all this time when the priest was singing Our friend Jean ValJean was staring at him strangly. 'Why is he singing? It's kinda scary...' He thought to himself before taking the three weird rabbits and running back towards the pool. When he got there he threw the three ugly rabbits into it only to have them swallowed by Ariel, the mermaid.

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thats it 4 now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

review or we'll never write again!


	2. Crazy Fishys from the deep blue sea

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis cause if I did I would be rich and Victor Hugo would not be in existence.**

Chapter 2

_Previously in Les Mis meets Disney... _

_Now all this time when the priest was singing Our friend Jean ValJean was staring at him strangely. 'Why is he singing? It's kinda scary...' He thought to himself before taking the three weird rabbits and running back towards the pool. When he got there he threw the three ugly rabbits into it only to have them swallowed by Ariel, the mermaid._

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"Oh. I guess that takes care of that." Jean ValJean patted himself on the back and smiled to himself. He whipped out his easy button from Stáples. He pressed it and listened to the deep, male voice tell him, " That was easy!"He chuckled and decided to go swimming a little.

"After all, I worked hard today!" He told himself as he changed into his Speedo, which was not a pretty sight, behind some trees. As he was about to dive headfirst, Fantine stepped out from behind a misplaced door and yells, "Hey Sexy, lady. It was nice to know ya, but I gotta move onnnnnn-nnn-nnn."

Then she made the call-me sign and ran away. He smiled in a kinda sexy way and dived. There, he opened his eyes to see Ariel sitting with a fish and a crab. He licked his lips and thought about the last time he had seafood. 'Oh, baby baby...' Ariel waved and beckoned him over. As he sat, her eyes locked with his in a passionately passionate gaze. This said gaze was stopped with bongos drumming in their ears. Sebastian, the crab, was ready to play.

Ariel looked away and was about to ask him how he was doing, when he asked her, " How were the bunnies?" Her heart swelled with guilt as she started to cry, but no one could tell. She was already immersed in water.

"What have I done? Sweet Neptune, what have I done? Become a thief in the night, Become a carnivore on the swim, And have I fallen so far, And is the hour so late That nothing remains but the cry of my hate, The cries in the ocean that nobody hears, Here where I swim at the turning of the years?" It seemed as though she would launch into another dreadfully boring verse when Sebastian cued his band, consisting of background singers, the clams and the pearls, and the rest of the undersea life.

"Under da sea! Under da sea! Darling, it's better down where it's wetter , take it from me." Sebastian sang randomly. The clams and the Pearls followed in with a "Take it from me!"

"Shut up crabby, and stay out of my montage!" She growled and turned back to the now scared audience. "Where was I?" She said in a sickingly sweet voice, "Oh yes."

She cleared her throat and sang, badly I might add, "If there's another way to go  
I missed it two long years ago  
My life was a feast that could never be won  
They gave me a knife and I murdered the bunnies, when they chained me and left me for dead  
Just for killing a mouthful of bunnies. Why did I allow that man," She pointed to Valjean,

"To touch my soul and teach me love? He treated me like any other, He gave me his trust,He called me sister, My life he claims for Neptune above. Can such things be? For I had come to hate the ocean. This ocean that always hated me."

"Kiss de Girl! Sha-la-la-la-la-la My oh My, looks the boy's too shy, ain't gunna kiss da girl! Sha-la-la-la-la-la Ain't that sad, it's such a shame, too bad. He's gunna miss de girl." Sebastian and his crew start again.

"I am not SHY!" Valjean threw his arms up and kissed Ariel, "There! I blame peer-pressure!"

Ariel stared at him, " I never knew you feel this way."

"I don't. Your crab is just annoying." ValJean shrugged as Ariel went into a jealous rage.

"You stupid, idiotic, crab!" She threw him at a passing shark that swallowed him whole before swimming away.

Meanwhile, on land... Fantine had watched the whole thing in a mixture of jealousy and obsession. "He's mine, you stupid fish!" She threw off her clothes to reveal the Coach swimsuit that she always wore under her rags. "Just incase!" She told everyone who asked her. ANYWAY, Fantine dove into the water and sang to the crazy fish, we call Ariel.

"Take an eye for an eye!  
Turn your heart into stone!  
This is all I have lived for!  
This is all I have known!" She pointed at poor, confused Valjean as she sang to Ariel.

Ariel responded to this verse by taking a deep breath and, "Sing off! Sing off!" Flounder cut her off and was forced to watch her give a death glare to him. Then she started to sing, with the voice of a mixture of crying babies, dying hyenas, and choking walruses.

"One word from him and I'd be back  
Beneath the lash, upon the rack  
Instead he offers me my freedom  
I feel my shame inside me like a knife. Oh! Beat that!! Fo sizzle, my nizzle!" She threw her hoodie on and started to make weird hand signals while bouncing up and down.

"My turn! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! He told me that I have a soul, How does he know? What spirit comes to move my life? Is there another way to go? Fo shizzle my nizzle! Yo dawg in the hizzhouze! Yo! Yo! Yo! Diggy Diggy dawg! WORD! I'm outta here yall, Peace!" Fantine sang/rapped. She suddenly got a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up, along with gigantic bling that said Gangsta, and another one that was a dollar sign. She had gigantic grillz in her mouth that reflected light so her whole gangsta face was glowing.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" My eyes!!" Jean Valjean shrieked. His eyes burned because of the glowing reflections of Fantine's grillz and 40 karat bling.

Ariel took out large hoop earrings, put on black eyeliner and lip liner. Then she attached high eyebrows and pasted her hair back. "I am reaching, but I fall and the night is closing in, As I stare into the void, to the whirlpool of my sin, I'll escape now from the sea, From the sea of crazy fish, Ariel Valjean is nothing now, Another story must begin!" She bowed and waited for applause. There was none, except the sound of clams chirping.

"When did we get married again?" Jean asked her.

"Oh, you silly goose! When I drugged you!" She smiled.

"What!? You didn't tell me that!" Fantine yelled at Jean.

"I didn't know! Gosh, darn it!" He defended himself.

"_Sure_ you didn't!!" She roared, which was hard to do since she was underwater. She then heaved the Titanic which she miraculously found in that exact spot, and threw it at him. It hit him with a satisfying crunching noise.

"And that is how you deal with men!" she explained to Ariel, who was taking notes.

"Interesting..." Ariel said with a confused look on her face.

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WE'll write soon. Review!! It won't kill ya!

**That's all for now!!**


	3. The TFCOPWAODAATTFHJV

**Disclaimer: We don't own les mis because if we did we wouldn't be sitting in a basement writing fanfictions. We would be in our mansion that we bought with the les mis money eating caviar.**

**Previously in LEs Mis **

_"Sure you didn't!!" She roared, which was hard to do since she was underwater. She then heaved the Titanic which she miraculously found in that exact spot, and threw it at him. It hit him with a satisfying crunching noise._

_"And that is how you deal with men!" she explained to Ariel, who was taking notes._

_"Interesting..." Ariel said with a confused look on her face._

**Lovely Ladies Fan Club**

Back on land...

Fantine gathered a group of ladies from the docks together to star a club. Valjean appeared ,soaking wet, from the pool that he had dove into wearing that famous speedo. Lovely Lady #5 stepped out of her place in the crowd and put her hand against him.

"Stop, honey." She told him as sweetly as she could under the circumstances. "Go, girls!" Then Lovely Ladies #12,435,962 and #6 rolled out a red carpet where he was standing. Lovely Lady # 84 cued the marching band to play. The band consisted of millions of little green aliens led by Bach Lightyear. They played "Hail to The Chief" and ended with strange noises that most can only dream of making. Valjean stared in utter horror at the over 16 million screaming fans. Then he heard something that souded like the last nightmare he had.

"Get your Valjean t-shirts here. I got your mugs, tattoos, bumper stickers, action figures, stamps, and the like!" Some fat vendor screamed from his stall. He was starting to even get red in the face. He stared at the 16 million fans with their new iPhone cameras flashing and people sticking out pens for him to sign their body parts. That's when he saw what they were wearing. They were each wearing a bright pink t-shirt with a giant picture of Valjean in his Speedo, chest hair and all. On the back of the shirts it said VALJEAN FOR PREZ in neon green letters.As soon as he stepped onto that red carpet, the shrieking ladies started to use their camera phones again. They used them so much, all of their batteries died in 2 minutes and the flashing episode was over. Lovely Lady #1 came up to Valjean and gave him a microphone. It was Fantine!!

"Fantine! What is all this??" Valjean asked in an uproar which was very, very, very loud since he had a microphone.

" These are all of the over 16 million members of the TFCOPWAODAATTFHJV." Fantine repiled in only one breath.

"What the heck does that stand for?" He couldn't even remember the whole word.

"Oh! It stands for The Fan Club Of People Who Are Obsessed, Devoted, And Addicted To The Famously Hot Jean Valjean!" A lovely lady named Emily Popped up and explained to her hero. She then drooled from being so close to him and fainted onto the red, velvet carpet.

"911! 911! 911! Girl down! Girl down! Mayday! Mayday! We need paramedics!!" Fantine screamed into the microphone. Soon the very confused merchandise vendor thought there was a fire in all of the comotion. "FIRE?? WHERE??GET MY HIGHLY FLAMMABLE JEAN VALJEAN MERCHANDISE OUT OF HERE!! WAIT! I KNOW WE CAN USE MY JEAN VALJEAN FIRE EXTINGUISHER!! NOW WITH 56 MORE BUBBLES!" He cried. It sounded as if h was still trying to sell his merchanise or at least the fire extinguisher. Soon he realized there was no fire and his episode was over. He quickly unpacked any packed merchandise.

Fantine gave Valjean the microphone and strted chanting "SPEECH!! SPEECH!! SPEECH!!" Soon everyone joined in. He grabbed the microphone and cleared his throat. "Ahem" He started to sing.

"_I smell women! Smell 'em in the air! Think I'll drop my anchor in that harbor over there. Lovely ladies, smell 'em through the smoke. Seven days at sea can make you hungry for a poke. Even stokers need a little stoke_!" Then all of the 15,999,999 ladies joined in, not including Emily, who passed out earlier in the chapter.

"_Lovely ladies waiting for a bite. Waiting for the customers, who only come at night. Lovely ladies, ready for the call! Standing up or lying down or any way at all! Bargain prices up against the wall!_" They sang with their random microphones, waving their iPhones.

_"__Lovely ladies! Waiting in the dark! Ready for a thick one or a quick one in the park!" _Suddenly a concert hall appeared before them. Someone had the brillant idea to use it for the speech song. They all went inside and continued their song with the 15,999,999 ladies in the audience. The marching alien band conducted by Bach Lightyear came into place.

"_Lovely lady! Fastest on the street! Wasn't there three minutes she was back up on her feet! Lovely lady! Whatcha waiting for? Doesn't take a lot of pictures just to be obsessed with me! Come on, lady What's a lady for?" _He sang to them.

"_Old men, young men, take 'em as they come! Harbor rats and alley cats and every kind of scum! Poor men, rich men, leaders of the land, see them with their trousers off they're never quite as grand. All it takes is money in your hand! Lovely ladies going for a song got a lot of callers but they never stay for long" _They sang/responded in perfect harmony.

Then the 15,999,999 members of TFCOPWAODAATTFHJV, the alien marching band, Bach Lightyear, and Fantine all ran toward Valjean by pressing the EJECT buttons next to their seats. Then they picked him up and he went crowdsurfing. They passed im around, claiming they would never wash their hands again, until someone dropped him. It was the fat vendor, who was disracted my his Valjean yo-yo. It hit him in the face and he dropped Valjean, still wearing his Speedo.

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**Done, this has to be some type of record. xD Next up is Who am I! Stay tuned... and don't forget that shiny review button. It's lonely and begging for you. REVIEW OR YOUR FACE SHALL BE STUFFED WITH PIE!! **

**Any grammer mistakes , sorry. You'll live.. p**


	4. Who Am I?

**Disclaimer: we don't own Les mis we don't own Les mis we don't own Les mis we don't own Les mis GET THE PICTURE?**

_Previously in Les Mis Meets Disney..._

_Then the 15,999,999 members of TFCOPWAODAATTFHJV, the alien marching band, Bach Lightyear, and Fantine all ran toward Valjean by pressing the EJECT buttons next to their seats. Then they picked him up and he went crowdsurfing. They passed im around, claiming they would never wash their hands again, until someone dropped him. It was the fat vendor, who was disracted my his Valjean yo-yo. It hit him in the face and he dropped Valjean, still wearing his Speedo._

**Chapter 4**

The SDCOHSDGSBAD(which stands for The Seven Dwarves Consisting Of Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, And Doc) were on the move again, after busting out of prison.

"Hey!! I have a very random idea!!" Grumpy, the leader of the group, said to the other 6. "We can take this cart over here and push it down the street!" He told them, pointing to a heavy, metal vendor's cart.

"I.I.I.I don't th-think that's such a goo-good thing to do, ummm sir." Bashful told their leader. He was scared, afraid , and still mentally stuttering when Doc told him it's ok.

"We can just push it at the angle of the sun with the diatemter following that man over there. We'll barly miss him and no one will get angry. It's perfect! Perfect, I tell you!" Doc yelled the last part at the blazing sun, before walking back to his place in line.** (AN:Did we mention that this whole time he's been laughing evily with an evil smirk and an evil glare to his eyes.)**

"On 3! 1...2...2 1/2...2 3/4...5!" Dopey yelled, not being able to count to three.

"OK...how about when I sneeze, push it!" Grumpy ordered.

"1...2...achoo!" Sneezy said/sneezed. WAIT! Did I say SNEEZY?? OH NO! They pushed the cart when SNEEZY SNEEZED! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! They all pushed the cart. Unfortunately for Doc, the sun moved at that second so his long, hard math problem didn't work. It hit an innocent bystander. Crazy old Maurice from Beauty and the Beast!

"Help me!" Maurice cried. Valjean saw stupid Maurice pinned under the cart. "Why the (insert bad word here) is that stupid guy pinned under a cart? Oh! The dwarves tried to push it at the angle of the sun with the diatemter following that man over there!" Valjean cried.

"It's perfect! Perfect, I tell you!" he cried, cackling evily. Unfortunately, the plan backfired and now There was a crazy man dying under a cart.

" I have an idea!! I can get him out with a song montage!" Valjean cried. Suddenly the green alien orchestra, the clams and the pearls, Bach Lightyear, and Sebastian the crustacean popped up out of nowwhere. The 15,999,999 TFCOPWAODAATTFHJV also popped out of nowwhere.

"He thinks that man is me. He knew him at a glance! That stranger he has found, this man could be my chance! Why should I save his hide? Why should I right this wrong When I have come so far and struggled for so long? If I speak, I am condemned.  
If I stay silent, I am danged! I am the object of desire of hundreds of fans. They all look to me.  
How can I abandon them? How would they live if I am not free? If I speak, I am condemned. If I stay silent, I am damned!  
Who am I? Can I condemn this man to death? Pretend I do not feel his agony? This innocent who bears my face who goes to judgement in my place! Who am I?  
Can I conceal myself for evermore? Pretend I'm not the hero I was before?  
And must my name until I die  
Be no more than an alibi?  
Must I lie?  
How can I ever face my fellow men?  
How can I ever face myself again?  
My soul belongs to God, I know  
I made that bargain long ago  
He gave me hope when hope was gone  
He gave me strength to journey on..." ValJean paused for dramtic effect as the crowd cheered. He pulled the cart up uysing the strngth God had given him and waited for Maurice to pop out.

"I'm free! I'm crazy! I'm a crazy free man! Huzzah! I'm free. I'm free. I'm free!" Maurice danced in a circle by himself as ValJean and the musicans ended the song.

"Who am I? Who am I? I am Jean Val Jeannnnnnn! " He pointed to to a man in the crowd wearing a gorilla suit. "And so Javert you see it's true, that man," He pointed to danicng Maurics and copntiued, "has no more guilt than you! Who am I? 2, 4, 6, 0 ,1! " He paused and waited for a reaction.

Nothing.

Then a slow clap started that rose into a thundersus applase. It was the slow clap that turns into a thunderous applause. ValJean bowed and bowed while showing off his tattoo that stated the numbers he hgad just sung.

As he was singing he ripped off his shirt, showing a whole lot of chest hair and a tattoo that said 24601 with a heart and arrow around it. Then all of the girls of the TFCOPWAODAATTFHJV fainted.

Back at that famous prison, the dwarfs were gathered together in one cell. No one thought they would be smart enough to escape together and they were right.

They were so consumed by their supreme idiocy that they began to eat each other. It was like a mini Civil War as they fought and fought.

"Take that Sneezy!" Happy yelled at him as Bashful tried to gnaw off Happy's leg. It wasn't working very well.

They were too consumed by their supreme idiocy that they began to eat each other. One by one, the dwarves were slowly eaten away until only one remained...dopey.


	5. Death Row Come to me

_"Take that Sneezy!" Happy yelled at him as Bashful tried to gnaw off Happy's leg. It wasn't working very well._

_They were too consumed by their supreme idiocy that they began to eat each other. One by one, the dwarves were slowly eaten away until only one remained...dopey._

Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own Les Miserables or Disney because if I did then why would I bother with fanfiction? Unless I was an evil genius! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Yes! So no owning it.

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**Disclaimer We never did, do not and NEVER WILL OWN LES MIS **

**Death Row - Come to Me**

_At a Hospital in the Poor Slum Near the Center of Paris_

"Did the new girl start to talk?" A nurse , wearing white, asked the doctor. Her long brown hair was tucked under her uniform hat and she wore a fatigued apron.

"No, maybe you could talk to her." He smiled. "Maybe a little girl to girl talk." He winked persuasively, although the nurse had no idea what he was talking about. He was just like that sometimes.

"Uh, sure." The nurse walked into the room and saw her new patient. Her once gorgeous hair was gone and it looked like she was in a fist fight or something. "Are you OK?"

Her patient weakly smiled at the sight of a nurse. "What's yo-yo-your name?" She coughed and looked at the nurse.

"Catherine. Are you OK?" Catherine picked up a small glass of water and handed it to the patient.

"I'm fin-" The tired girl looked at the glass and smiled at the nurse. We're not really sure what she was thinking , only that she smiled what is known as a big toothy grin. Catherine gasped in shock at the empty gums.

"What happened?" Catherine fussed with the blankets and almost seemed to have a motherly air about her. Well, that's what her patient thought anyway.

"Oh," She seemed to straighten up a bit and looked almost eager to share her tale. "My daughter is sick, or was sick." She corrected herself. "She's staying with some, well you could say fri-fri-friends and I had to send some mon-ey-ey." The girl looked proud at the information she was about to disclose to Catherine. "I sold my hair."

Catherine gasped out of shock and started to touch her own hair. She pulled whisps of hair from her bun and just fingered it. She couldn't imagine not having her hair.

"I know, but it will grow back. But, it wasn't enough money so I had to sell my two front teeth. See?" She opened her mouth and waited for Catherine's reaction. It seemed as if she craved the reaction.

"That's why you talk so funny!" Catherine's eyes widened in humiliation and she shook her head. "I-I-I didn't mean it that way!"

Her patient, who may be crazy, laughed in reply. "Oh, OH!" She rolled to the side and started to cough up blood or maybe someone left some fruit punch on the floor. No one would ever know the truth.

"Holy cow! I need a-a- towel!" Catherine yelled at the closed door. "Doctor! Doctor!" Catherine opened the door and jumped back in surprise. There was a man about six foot one with long blond hair in a ponytail and royal blue eyes that sparkled like a newly fallen dew. He was wearing an all white doctor uniform. Unfortunately it was white polyester so you could see a red Speedo under his pants. He walked inside nonchalantly and cool, like nothing was happening. He put on a pair of sunglasses and he pulled off his blond ponytail revealing his long, lush, shiny, well conditioned hair. He cued the man with the fan and he strode into the room with his blond hair flowing flawlessly behind him."

Did somebody say 'Doctor?'" He asked in a very hot voice.

" Thank you so much for coming Dr. Valjean! My patient is coughing up blood! Or at least I think it's blood..." She said frantically. He inspected her closely, watching her every move. "We need to do a series of serious tests on her, Catherine." he said in a dramatic, yet still very hot voice.

"What kinds of tests, Doctor?" she asked nervously. He put on a pair of disposable gloves. Next he knelt next to where the woman was still coughing. He stuck out his pointer finger and scooped up some of the crimson red liquid. HE stuck the finger in his mouth and sucked all of the liquid off. "IS she going to be OK, Dr. Valjean?" she asked nervously. My diagnosis is...is...is..." He said in a very dramatic voice. Catherine was biting her nails, shaking from head to toe, sweating bullets waiting for the answer.

"KIWI-CRANAPPLE!!" He exclaimed joyfully. "She's going to be just fine. She probably just drank too much kiwi-cranapple juice at lunch today," He chuckled. Catherine smiled. "Thank you! Thank you Dr. Valjean! You're a genius! I'm so lucky that I have witnessed such a superior mind at work!" She cried. " No need to thank me, it was all in a day's work!" He said heroically, still in that manly, hot voice.

"Ummm...Dr. Valjean...Is it too much of a favor to ask you to...ummm..." Catherine asked, blushing.

"Of course I can," Dr. Valjean replied, taking out a Sharpie. Catherine turned around so that her backed faced him. "To Catherine. Remember, an apple a day keeps the doctor away! Your Co-Worker, Dr. V :-)" He said as he autographed the back of her robe. "My hero! 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away' Ooh! You're _so _wise! I'll never wash this robe again!" she said, looking at her signed robe. By this time, the woman had finally stopped coughing. Catherine slowly walked over to her. Her eyes were still closed.

"Would you like to meet the man who saved you're life?" Catherine asked softly. The woman nodded slowly and opened her eyes. Dr. Valjean cued the man with the fan and he strutted into the room. "Why hello, my fine lady!" He said, turning on his ultra hot voice. " What's you're name?" he asked.

"...Fantine..." She said quietly. He gaped at her for a long, long time. He could hardly recognize her! She looked so different than the beautiful woman in the Coach swimsuit he saw in the ocean! How could she have gotten this way? Then he remembered what happened...that day...

_Flashback_

_"She did it! She did it! She did it!" The factory workers yelled, pointing to Fantine. Valjean walked up to her, his beautiful blue eyes furious with rage. "SO?? IT WAS YOU! HOW COULD YOU? NOBODY CALLS ME DUMB! I AM NOT DUMB! I THOUGHT WE WERE 'TIGHT'! I THOUGHT WE HAD EACH OTHER'S BACKS! I NEVER THOUGHT IN A MILLION YEARS THAT YOU WOULD BETRAY ME LIKE THIS! WHY DID I EVER LET YOU WORK HERE? IN FACT, JUST GET OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK!!" Valjean roared like there's no tomorrow. Fantine looked around for the last time at all of the mocking faces of her former co-workers. She slowly walked away and glanced back one final time, her eyes filled with sorrow._

_End of flashback _

"Oh, whoops. My bad." Dr. Valjean said.

"What's...your...name?" Fantine asked softly. Should he lie? No, no he couldn't lie to her in her last few moments of her miserable life. " I'm Dr. Valjean" he said calmly. Fantine slowly sat up in her bed. She sat up in her bed to shake his hand. She put her hand back and POW! She slapped him across the face!

"Ooooooooohhhhh! You've just been powned! Burned! Served cajun-style! Dissed! Schooled!" Catherine said to Dr. Valjean who silenced her with a death glare. "Well, uh, so, anyway, how you doing Fantine?" Valjean asked trying to break the silence. Suddenly Fantine relaxed, and seemed to stare into nowhere, as if trying to look through the wall. "Fantine...what are you looking at?" Valjean asked.

"Cosette, it's turned so cold  
Cosette, it's past your bedtime  
You've played the day away  
And soon it will be night." she sang while still gazing in that same spot.

"Who's Cosette? Is she someone I should know about?" Valjean asked.

"Come to me, Cosette, the light is fading  
Don't you see the evening star appearing?  
Come to me, and rest against my shoulder  
How fast the minutes fly away and every minute colder."

"What are you looking at? I don't see anything!" Valjean questioned. Catherine just chuckled and rolled her eyes at his insensitivity.

"Hurry near, another day is dying  
Don't you hear, the winter wind is crying?  
There's a darkness which comes without a warning  
But I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning."

"Ooh! It's like a montage! Now I get it! Ahem!" He said with sudden understanding. He cleared his throat. "Oh, Fantine, our time is running out! But Fantine, I swear this on my life!" He sang with the voice of a thousand angels.

"Look, M'sieur, where all the children play!" She sang, still gazing on that spot as if she was in a trance.

"Be at peace! Be at peace evermore." He sang to her.

"My Cosette..."

"Shall live in my protection."

"Take her now!"

"You child will want for nothing."

"Good M'sieur, you come from God in Heaven."

"And none will ever harm Cosette as long as I am living." Valjean sang, gazing his sapphire blue eyes onto her.

"Take my hand. The night grows ever colder." Fantine sang, finally gazing her emerald green eyes into his.

" Then I will keep you warm." He whispered in his still very hot voice.

"Take my child. I give her to your keeping." She sang clinging onto life by a thread.

"Take shelter from the storm." He whispered in that dreamy, enchanting voice of his.

" For God's sake, please stay till I am sleeping. And tell Cosette I love her and I'll see her when I wake..." Fantine slowly smiled, closed her eyes and let death take her away. Valjean kissed her on the forehead and started to leave the room. As he was standing in the doorway he stopped and turned around. He looked at her with his sapphire eyes.

" I love you Fantine." He whispered.

**AN sorry for not updating in a while, spot doesn't have a computer yet (long story) so I did most of this chapter from my house. Sorry if it's too long just tell us if you want shorter chapters. thanks PLEASE review!! -mushie**


	6. Confrontation, Huzzah!

_Previously in Les Misney:_

_" Then I will keep you warm." He whispered in his still very hot voice._

_"Take my child. I give her to your keeping." She sang clinging onto life by a thread._

_"Take shelter from the storm." He whispered in that dreamy, enchanting voice of his._

_" For God's sake, please stay till I am sleeping. And tell Cosette I love her and I'll see her when I wake..." Fantine slowly smiled, closed her eyes and let death take her away. Valjean kissed her on the forehead and started to leave the room. As he was standing in the doorway he stopped and turned around. He looked at her with his sapphire eyes._

_" I love you Fantine." He whispered._

**Chapter 6 Valjean's Rival**

Valjean turned and quickly wiped a tear from his eye. He then smiled at a fan club member who was passing by the hospital. She then fainted, and had to be admitted at that said hospital. He saw the TFCOPWAODAATTFHJV clustered with their new iPhones flashing away at a mysterious figure.

"Who the heck is that?" Valjean thought to himself. Even the voice in his head was dreamy and welcoming. He joined the crowd of spastic fan club members and stood in awe at the subject of their pictures. There stood a tan, muscular god-like angel from heaven. His perfect, pearly-white smile shined like a candle in the pitch black of night. His wavy, mahogany- chocolate colored hair flowed flawlessly down to his lower back. He stood amidst the fan club members smiling his warm smile, wearing a revealing red Speedo that looked oddly familiar. Valjean stared at the man, and stared at his own signature red Speedo in awe. Valjean grabbed a random fan club member using his amazing strength and dragged her away from the shrieking crowd.

"Who is that angelic dude? And why does he wear my swim trunks?" Valjean asked the frightened woman. His voice still sounded enchanting even when he was concerned and raged.

"That's Gaston!" the woman said. "He's the hottest man on the face of the Earth!" She then recognized Valjean and said "Oh. I'm sorry you must not have heard. We changed our name to "The Fan Club Of People Who Are Obsessed, Devoted, And Addicted To The Famously Hot Gaston or TFCOPWAODAATTFHG for short." She said in a hypnotized voice. "Your only second best."

That's when he saw Emily's shirt. It was still hot pink, but instead of the TFOPWAODAATTFHJV, it was TFCOPWAODAATTFHG and Gaston's picture in his Speedo took the place of Valjean's picture.

"HE STOLE MY SWIMWEAR!" Valjean roared. He then marched over to Gaston who noticed Valjean's identical Speedo.

"Listen here pal! I don't know who you think you are, but NO ONE, and I said NO ONE steals MY SPEEDO without authorization. Got it, bub?" Valjean screamed in a fusion of rage and fury. Suddenly the whole crowd of 16 million Gaston fans became quiet. A member handed a microphone to Gaston and another to Valjean. The hushed silence was soon followed by the Clams and the Pearls who started to play their various instruments. Valjean and Gaston cleared their throats before they started to sing.

"Valjean, at last,  
we see each other plain  
M'sieur le Mayor,  
You'll wear a different chain!" Gaston sang in a dreamy voice. Although his was dreamy, it was nothing compared to the heart-stopping, spine-tingling, kidney-flipping voice of Jean Valjean. A thunderous clap followed his verse.

"Before you say another word, Gaston  
Before you chain me up like a 2nd best again  
Listen to me! There is something I must do.  
These women leave behind suffering children.  
There is none but me who can intercede,  
In Mercy's name, three days are all I need.  
Then I'll return, I pledge my word.  
Then I'll return..." Valjean sang in his usual insanely awesome voice. This was also met with the same clapping. It seemed as if no one would be able to win.

"You must think me mad!  
I've hunted you across the years  
A man like you can never change  
A man such as you" Gaston sang, flexing his biceps for the ladies. Now by this time the fan club members' iPhones were clicking so fast that the whole scene was a nonstop glow of white light; bystanders were looking in wonder at the glowing scene before them. The portly vendor was also selling Gaston and Valjean merchandise. He now had new fake Gaston biceps.

Then Valjean sang and all was silent as his clear voice rang like a bell.

"Believe of me what you will  
There is a duty that I'm sworn to do  
You know nothing of my life  
All I did was live my title  
You know nothing of the world  
You would sooner see me dead  
But not before I see this justice  
done  
I am warning you Gaston  
I'm a stronger man by far  
There is power in me yet  
My race is not yet run  
I am warning you Gaston  
There is nothing I won't dare  
If I have to kill you here  
I'll do what must be done!"

At the same time, Gaston was singing in perfect harmony to Valjean's part.

"Men like me can never change  
Men like you can never change  
No, 24601  
My duty's to the fan club - you have no rights  
Come with me 24601  
Now the wheel has turned around  
Jean Valjean is nothing now  
Dare you talk to me of crime  
And the price you had to pay  
Every man is born in sin  
Every man must choose his way  
You know nothing of Gaston  
I was born inside a jail  
I was born with scum like you  
I am from the gutter too!" Soon both of them men had to calm down because now everyone moved into the hospital and they were getting complaints from hospital patients.

Valjean began to sing again in a magical hushed tone, "And this I swear to you tonight."

Then Gaston sang, "There is no place for you to hide."

"Your child will live in my care." Valjean whispered and sang in a voice so dreamy some lovely ladies had to pinch themselves to make sure they were awake.

"Wherever you may hide away." Gaston flexed his muscles and gave the ladies a big smile with a wink.

"And I will raise her to the light." Valjean sang again in the most perfect voice ones imagination could think of. Then they sang together.

"I swear to you I will be there." This line was followed by a "guy hug" which consists of two men doing a high-five and pulling each other toward each other. Then they each proceeded to slap each other on the back. Suddenly Valjean turned around as fast as lightning and whipped out a chair that one of the fan club members conveniently places behind him. He then whacked Gaston over the head with a satisfying crunch. Everyone gasped as Valjean calmly walked away. He glanced back at Gaston and said, "That's what you get for stealing my Speedo."

And as Valjean strutted away, he was satisfied to see the vendor man putting away all of his Gaston wear.

AN: Sorry for not updating!!!

We don't own Les Mis at all. Not even a teeny bit. Nothing

Don't forget to review!!!


	7. Master of the House Anyone?

_Previously in Les Misney…_

"_I swear to you I will be there." This line was followed by a "guy hug" which consists of two men doing a high-five and pulling each other toward each other. Then they each proceeded to slap each other on the back. Suddenly Valjean turned around as fast as lightning and whipped out a chair that one of the fan club members conveniently places behind him. He then whacked Gaston over the head with a satisfying crunch. Everyone gasped as Valjean calmly walked away. He glanced back at Gaston and said, "That's what you get for stealing my Speedo."_

_And as Valjean strutted away, he was satisfied to see the vendor man putting away all of his Gaston wear._

Chapter 7

Valjean decided he'd had enough of this nonsense and went to the local pub. He entered the dirty, beer-scented bar to see a kooky looking man trying to steal people's money. Valjean, being the amazing person that he was, decided to not go to the bar or else some one could steal his amazingly large fortune that he carried with him in a large purse. Before he left, he wanted to check and make sure he still looked stunning and dashing. He found a mirror in the corner of the bar and obsereved his face. _Perfect cheekbones, perfect brow, very perfect hair and eyes._ He thought. "I look good today." He said, flashing his perfect pearly-whites. Then Jean Valjean quietly strutted out of the bar, as to not be spotted by his fan club of shrieking ladies.

"M'sieur! Wait, M'sieur!" A man yelled at ValJean's retreating figure. "Oh well," he shrugged his shoulders in defeat, but paused when he heard the door swing open. "A customer," he whispered under his breath, and you know what a customer means… money! Turning himself towards the door, he greeted the stranger with a smile.

"Hello, sir." The newcomer said to the innkeeper. "Is there any room here for the night?"

The innkeeper turned to the small band tuning up in the corner of the inn and waved his hand about widly. Although this just made him seem like a small, fat spazz of a man… the band knew the signal. The music began and he sang: "Welcome, M'sieur! Sit yourself down, and meet the best innkeeper in town."

As he sang, more and more customers came in through open doors and windows and really anywhere that they could get through. All a person could really see was black and white as they filed in. As the strange customer looked around, the innkeeper just kept on going. "As for the rest," here the innkeeper, formally known as the Thenardier, pointed towards the mass of black and white, "All of 'em crooks! Rooking their guests and cooking the books."

The Dalmatians raised their glasses with their new opposable thumbs and the Thenardier came dancing and flailing around with some more booze for the 101 puppies. "Seldom do you see!" The music swelled to a crescendo as his words became louder and louder. This was to fight the music and make his voice heard. "Honest men like me," his face became crimson with exhaustion as he forced his lungs to take the next few seconds without oxygen, "A gent of good intent, who's content to be!" He collapsed against a wooden chair in the opposite corner of the band as his veteran customers took up the song ,which never grew old.

"Bum, bum, bum!" They threw their glasses up in the air, catching someone else's while singing… talk about multi-tasking dogs. "Master of the house! Quick to catch yer eye, never wants a passerby," they turned to look at a new customer who had just walked in from a hard day's work, "To pass him by. Servant to the poor, butler to the great, comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!" As they sang that part of the song, they threw their arms up in what seemed to be a dance routine only known to these dogs and ,of course, the Thenardier. "Everybody's boon companion;  
Everybody's chaperone!"

The Thenardier, now fully restored, went out to greet the people. He secretly believed he was ruler over all of his customers, and he might have been as well. Suddenly, a new customer waddled into the bar. He didn't exactly waddle _into_ the bar, though. His plump figure got stuck in the swinging door. Soon, 60 of the 101 Dalmatians had to tug on his portly body to get him squeezed through the door. He popped through and fell on the floor. "I'm okay!" he said, slowly getting up to stand. Then he had to bring his pull cart of Valjean merchandise into the bar, so none of his precious bobbleheads and knick-knacks got stolen. Soon Thenardier started to sing to this special man. "Enter M'sieur, lay down your load. Unlace your boots and rest from the road. " He sang in his kooky voice. Then he grabbed the vendor's pull cart and pushed it off to the side. "This weighs a ton. Travel's a curse. But here we strive to lighten your purse." Then Thenardier skipped off to the bar, with the fat vendor slowly trailing behind him. "Here the goose is cooked. Here the fat is fried. And nothing's overlooked till I'm satisfied." One of the original Dalmatians yelled a quick echo to the Thenardier's satisfied. The Thenardier continued, "Food beyond compare! Food beyond belief! Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef! Kidney of a horse, Liver of a cat, filling up the sausages, with this and that!" The vendor's mouth began to water and he waddled up to the bar and approached the Thenardier, who by that time had stopped singing. "One chocolate milk, with a bendy straw and whipped cream." He said solemnly to Thenardier, who handed him a big, foamy cup of chocolaty wonder. Then the vendor started to sip happily as he listened to the rest of the song montage.

"Residents are more than welcome. Bridal suite is occupied. Reasonable charges, plus some little extras on the side!" Soon the fat vendor was finished with his chocolate milk.

"Keep 'em comin'!" He yelled to Thenardier, who was busily making him 4 more chocolate milks. He finished those quickly and asked for eight more. "WAHOO!" He yelled. Talk about a sugar rush. When Thenardier was finished tending to the vendor, he continued to sing his montage, now with everyone, including the Dalmatians, joining in. "Master of the house quick to catch yer eye. Never wants a passerby to pass him by  
Servant to the poor, butler to the great, comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate! Everybody's boon companion gives 'em everything he's got…" Soon the vendor jumped up onto the bar counter, took his shirt off (which was not a pretty sight) and started dancing to the catchy tune.

"Go vendor! Go vendor! Go vendor!" Everyone shouted as they watched the vendor jiggle around the countertop.

"AHEM!" The Thenardier screamed, annoyed that they weren't watching him anymore. Soon the hubbub was over and the vendor put his shirt back on and jumped off the countertop. He fell onto the hard floor, but everyone ignored him.

"Dirty bunch of geezers! Jesus! What a sorry little lot!" He finished the song and the vendor got up just in time to give him a thundering applause. Suddenly a woman stepped out from the back of the bar. Let's just say she wouldn't win any beauty pageants any time soon. She cued the conductor of the band and started to sing.

"I used to dream that I would meet a prince. But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?" There were a few chuckles from the crowd as she continued with her montage. "Master of the house?' isn't worth me spit! `Comforter, philosopher' - and lifelong sh*t! Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire; Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there!" Soon the whole crowd of people and puppies were all hooting and howling with laughter and a few were rolling on the floor. The Thenardier just stood behind the bar counter with a grumpy face. The fat vendor, who was enjoying the montage very much, said, " Hit me again, Thenardier!" And Thenardier began making him chocolate milk again. He gave it to the vendor, who squealed with joy. He took the cup and started to sip again. Then Madame Thenardier began to sing her song again, after all of the hooting died down.

"What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse. God knows how I've lasted,  
living with this bastard in the house!" Soon everyone was rolling on the floor except the vendor, because he was still drinking his 14th chocolate milk and he knew that if he went onto the floor, he would never get up. Soon Thenardier started singing with everyone.

"Master of the house." Thenardier sang with the chorus of puppies and people.

"Master and a half!" The Madame sang with the large crowd.

"Comforter, philosopher…" the Thenardier sang and danced around with the giddy, drunken crowd.

"Don't make me laugh!" The Madame sang and quickly took a sip of whiskey from one of the puppies.

"Servant to the poor. Butler to the great!" Thenardier sang with a voice not nearly as hot as Valjean's.

"Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!" The Madame howled, definitely having too much to drink.

"Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse!" The chorus sang. The fat vendor sang that said part in a surprisingly high soprano voice, similar to the pitches at the beginning of "Bring Him Home". Then Thenardier sang/ordered to the crowd;

"Everybody raise a glass!" So everybody obeyed and the humans and puppies raised their glasses of whiskey and beer. However, the vendor raised his cup of chocolate milk and gave a loud "WOO!"

'Raise it up the master's arse!" The madame sang and everybody raised their glasses again. Our large vendor friend raised his glass a second time, only this time he gave a mighty "OH YEAH!" to the Madame. Soon everybody sang the last line of the montage;

"Everybody raise a glass to the masters of the house!" So both Thenardiers pranced around with the overly giddy crowd. Suddenly, the vendor got up from all of the commotion and yelled a surprisingly loud, ''I GOTTA PEE!" Everybody glared at him as he took a newspaper from the bar and waddled as fast as he could to the men's room.

**Hey guys! Sorry for taking so long to update, but we had finals and all… bad excuse, but its all good. Anyway, we don't own Les Miserables or Disney or any of these characters (except the fat vendor.. he's ours) So thanks for all of your reviews and pms and everything else, and thanks for reading! :]**


	8. The Auditions

NOTE: This chapter will NOT have a song. This chapter is the auditions for the play, which will appear next chapter. Thank you for your cooperation.

_______________________________________________________________________

_Previously in Les Misney…_

'_Raise it up the master's arse!" The Madame sang and everybody raised their glasses again. Our large vendor friend raised his glass a second time; only this time he gave a mighty "OH YEAH!" to the Madame. Soon everybody sang the last line of the montage;_

"_Everybody raise a glass to the masters of the house!" So both Thenardiers pranced around with the overly giddy crowd. Suddenly, the vendor got up from all of the commotion and yelled a surprisingly loud, ''I GOTTA PEE!" Everybody glared at him as he took a newspaper from the bar and waddled as fast as he could to the men's room._

Chapter 8 The Auditions

Valjean tried to leave the pub, but as he stepped out the door he was ambushed by a rather large group of paparazzi and fans.

"Valjean! Valjean! Over here! Is it true that you're running for President?'

"Valjean! Is it true that you're dating Megan Fox? And is it true that you were in a trio with Sonny and Cher while cruising in Guatemala?" Valjean was totally overwhelmed with the rumor about him dating Megan Fox, but now that he thought about it, he wouldn't mind dating Megan Fox. He calmly walked back into the bar hoping to escape the wrath of the paparazzi. Surprisingly, they didn't follow, but instead chose to yell at a very tired Gaston, who was seen coming out of a long and dark alleyway.

Valjean sat in the bar next to the portly vendor, whose name was Bob, and ordered a Sex On The Beach, with a quick wink at Madame Thenardier, who almost fainted on the spot. Valjean took a quick glance at Bob, who was staring at him in awe. Valjean noticed a little puddle of drool next to his chocolate milk. Valjean decided to end this awkward moment between them.

"So…do you like your chocolate milk?" Valjean asked.

"Huh..uh…….um…um…" Valjean noticed that he was sweating and his breathing was growing faster.

"Hey, are you OK?" Valjean asked in his hot concerned voice.

"YES!" Bob screamed, so loud that Madame Thenardier dropped her whiskey bottle and it crashed to the floor, shattering in to a million pieces. She took a quick glance at Jean Valjean, then, realizing who he was, stared at him with wonder just like everyone else did when they first met him.

"Why, hello there." She tried to say that in a sexy voice, but come on, she's Madame Thenardier.

"Hey, young lady." Valjean said to her and winked at her again.

" So, I hear you're a pretty good singer." She said to him, batting her eyelashes at him.

"One could say that." He said.

"So uh...here's a flyer for the new play going on, called Waltz Of Treachery On Ice. It's directed by Kenny Ortega."

"Alright, thanks. I'll have to check you out. I mean check IT out, you know…IT…" Valjean stuttered for the first time in history. Soon Bob got excited. 'This is my chance. If Valjean does this play we can FINALLY be together, even for only a few moments' Bob thought.

"Hey! Can I try out? Where are the auditions?" Bob inquired.

"In the back room over there. They're actually supposed to start now. Let's go!" All three of them walked to the back room to see Thenardier and some other people who he did not know. A man holding a megaphone walked up to Valjean.

"Hi, Mr. Valjean. I'm Kenny Ortega, Big fan! Big fan! Air kisses! Mwa mwa!" Kenny Ortega said, blowing air kisses to Valjean.

"PLACES, PEOPLE! WE HAVE AUDITIONS TO START!" He screamed in an already booming voice, which was just made louder by his large megaphone. Bob walked up to the stage where Kenny Ortega was sitting with Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, and Paula Abdul.

"Who are you and what are you auditioning for?" Kenny asked.

"Um...I'm Bob, and I'm auditioning for the donut boy..." Bob said. Soon there was a moment of awkward silence, then a standing ovation. Bob grinned at the audience.

"You dawg that was off the heezy!" Randy said.

"You're HOT!" Paula said. A few "woos" and a "Bob I love you!" followed her comment.

"It was bloody brilliant!" Simon said.

"You're going to Hollywood!" Kenny said. The whole audience cheered for him as he waved and skipped off the stage. Soon Madame Thenardier walked onto the stage.

"'Ello. I'm Madame Thenardier. I'm auditioning for myself." Soon she started to sing.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle. Here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout. Tip me over and pour me out." She sang and did the teapot dance.

"Is anyone else auditioning for this part?" Kenny asked. The only sound made was crickets chirping. "OK you got the part!" Kenny cheered.

"YES!" Madame Thenardier cheered and pranced off the stage. Quickly, none other than her lovely husband commanded the center of the stage.

"Hi. I'm Thenardier. And I will sing Barbie Girl." He said. Several audience members "wooed" him and he wiggled his eyebrows to them, trying to be somewhat sexy.

"I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation." Everyone loved this because he was flipping his thinning hair around and putting his hands on his hips as he sang.

"You're going to Hollywood!" Kenny cheered. The other three judges nodded their heads together in a synchronized way. He stumbled off the stage. Soon a cute little girl wearing rags came out from behind the mysterious curtain.

"Hi. I'm Cosette. And I want to dedicate this song to my mother, who Valjean _killed_ for no reason." She said to the audience, giving a death glare to Valjean, who was warming up backstage. He blushed and gave a little "Oops," before continuing to warm up.

Cosette then began to sing, "You used to call me your angel  
Said I was sent straight down from heaven  
You'd hold me close in your arms

I loved the way you felt so strong  
I never wanted you to leave  
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you  
I miss your smile  
And I still shed a tear  
Every once in a while  
And even though it's different now  
You're still here somehow  
My heart won't let you go  
And I need you to know  
I miss you, sha la la la la  
I miss you." Cosette finished and gave a small curtsey. When the crowd didn't automatically start to clap, she burst into fake and convincing tears.

"It's ok! Stop crying, please!" Paula ran up onto the stage and gave her a big hug. Cosette's face turned an unhealthy shade of blue and Paula let go of her.

"You're going to Hollywood!" Kenny said to her. She immediately stopped crying and said "Thank you!" with a big smile on her face and she merrily skipped off the stage.

Next the lights dimmed so there was only one spotlight shining in the center of the stage. The person controlling the fog machine turned it on and the crowd went nuts. Soon they saw the spotlight shine to a hole at the bottom of the stage. Soon, ten beautiful showgirls strutted out onto the stage. They were wearing large, red, feathery hats and their skin tight, red, short leotards were so glittery that the judges and people in the first few rows had to put sunglasses on to shield them from the harmful glare. Suddenly, the hole at the bottom of the stage opened and the crowd went berserk. Some girls fainted and had to be carried out by a stretcher. They are all expected to make a full recovery. Valjean was rising slowly and dramatically up from the basement and onto the stage. He stepped up to the mic, flipped his hair (which made some more girls faint), and gave one of those Valjean smiles, showing his pearly-whites.

"Hey, I'm Valjean. And I will sing for my fans," ValJean then began to sing, "I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk." There was a hushed silence, followed by screaming so loud that seven people actually became deaf and many glasses-wearers' glasses were shattered. The chandelier above the stage shattered after Valjean flipped his hair again.

"It…has… been a privilege listening to such an angelic voice as yours." Kenny stuttered, gazing at Valjean like a kid looks at a candy bar. "YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!" Kenny screamed. Then a glow of blinding white light shined on the stage as Valjean posed for pictures. Even the judges were using their new Blackberries to capture this great moment. "One step closer to conquering the world." Valjean chuckled.

Valjean was excited now, so he decided to go crowd surfing. The people holding him swore to never wash their hands again. Some even ripped pieces of his shirt off. It was like feeding time at the shark tank.

"Hey! Watch the perfect hair!" Valjean warned them. Even when he was saying something negative, it always sounded like sunshine and kittens.

"That's a wrap for the auditions! See you on Monday!" Kenny boomed, and ran into the crowd so he could have a turn touching Valjean. 


	9. Thenardier Waltz of Treachery Ice Show

_Previously in Les Misney…_

_Valjean was excited now, so he decided to go crowd surfing. The people holding him swore to never wash their hands again. Some even ripped pieces of his shirt off. It was like feeding time at the shark tank._

"_Hey! Watch the perfect hair!" Valjean warned them. Even when he was saying something negative, it always sounded like sunshine and kittens._

"_That's a wrap for the auditions! See you on Monday!" Kenny boomed, and ran into the crowd so he could have a turn touching Valjean._

Chapter 9

Valjean and the others were eagerly standing by the front of the bar waiting for the cast list. Sweat poured off of Valjean's perfect forehead. They saw Kenny Ortega walk up to the front of the bar holding a piece of paper. He taped it to the wall of the bar and ran. Valjean, Cosette, Madame Thenardier, Thenardier, and Bob ran up to the cast list. Well, most of them ran, but Bob just waddled. They were shoving each other out of the way to read the tiny size twelve Times New Roman print. Bob asked Valjean to read it aloud, because everyone knew that ValJean could read it with his perfect 20/20 vision and they all loved the velvety sound of his voice.

"All actors will be playing themselves, except Bob, who just gets food for the cast.

Valjean will have no stunt double.

Thenardier will have no stunt double.

Madame Thenardier's stunt double will be Maleficent, the evil fairy of _Sleeping Beauty_.

Bob will have no stunt double, as he is the donut boy.

Cosette's stunt double will be legendary actress Dakota Fanning."

Everyone "wooed" at the sound of his voice reading the cast list.

"Read it again!" Bob cheered. Valjean smiled at him and Bob seemed to be satisfied with that.

"Why don't I get a stunt double? I deserve one just as much as anyone else!" Thenardier whined.

"Because you're a loser!" Madame Thenardier retorted.

Soon Maleficent strode onto the set. She looked lovely with her long black robe and gold staff. A mean-looking raven was perched on top of it. Her jet-black hair was put up in a strange up do which looked like two bull horns on top of her bony head. "Hello. I'm Maleficent, and I like being evil." She said to the crowd of people looking at her. It was amazing; Maleficent didn't even flinch as she looked at Valjean's perfection. She just walked over to a chair at the bar and sat in silence. Next, Dakota Fanning skipped into the bar. She was wearing a bright pink dress and her blonde hair was in a loose ponytail.

"Hi guys! I'm Dakota Fanning and I'm really excited to be here!" She said in a perky way. Kenny joined the group of people and took his big megaphone out.

"ALRIGHT PEOPLE! GO TO THE MAKE-UP DEPARTMENT!" Kenny boomed. They all left the bar and walked into a small white trailer and got their makeup done. Valjean didn't get anything done because he already looked perfect. Dakota had to get a lot of makeup done so she would look as dirty and scummy as Cosette did. Madame Thenardier had to get a lot of touch-ups done to cover her warts and ugliness. Thenardier wanted to go for the dramatic look, so the makeup artists were busy working on his eye shadow and lipstick. Another team of makeup artists were busy working on Maleficent, to try to make her complexion a little less green. Their effort paid off and the whole team looked stunning. They walked back into the bar and saw that the whole thing had been turned into an ice rink. "BOB! GET ME SOME DONUTS! JELLY IN THE CENTER!" Kenny roared. Soon Bob appeared with a dozen jelly-filled doughnuts.

"Alright," Kenny started to say to the cast as he took a bite of his doughnut, "I want the cast out on the ice and into place! GO!" He screamed the last part and settled into his director chair. Before Bob was able to say the colors of the rainbow, everyone was on the set and looking confused. Actually, everyone but ValJean looked confused. He just stood there with his amazing perfection.

"Umm, Kenny?" Cosette said quietly. "I don't know what to do." Kenny stared at his cast as they all looked at each other in agreement.

"Well, I guess I'll go and find those missing scripts." Kenny replied to the befuddled group.

Suddenly, Thenardier walked into the middle of the ice rink and started to talk, "I can't believe that everyone else has a double except for me! I can only express my immense disappointment through the magic of song, "What to do? What to say? Shall you carry my double away? What a gem! What a pearl! Beyond rubies is my little double! How can we speak of price? Let's not haggle for my darling double!" He waved his hands violently around.

"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT JUST A GOSH DARN MINUTE!" Kenny yelled into his megaphone. "Forget the old script, I have a better idea!" He grabbed a pen and paper before quickly writing down his new idea. "Alright, now Cosette you're going to be a poor kid living with the Thenardiers. Then Mr. ValJean, sir, you're there to go and buy Cosette so that you can give her a better life and all. You Thenardiers..." Kenny stared at them blankly before continuing, "Well, just be yourselves. Alright people! Let's get back to work!" They all nodded and the original cast got into place. Quickly, Bob gave out a newly printed script and watched as the cast quickly memorized it. Again, Thenardier got into position, and began to sing, "What to do? What to say? Shall you carry our treasure away? What a gem! What a pearl! Beyond rubies is our little girl! How can we speak of debt? Let's not haggle for darling... ummm, line?"

"Cut! Cut! Cut!" Kenny yelled as Bob quickly flipped to the first page and looked for the missing line.

"Cosette!" He yelled before giving Kenny another donut.

"Alright, from the top. This time though, I want more action! Maleficent and Dakota, get out there and do some ice skating stunts!" The two stunt doubles quickly replaced Mme. Thenardier and Cosette.

The song began from the top and Thenardier began to sing, "What to do? What to say? Shall you carry our treasure away? What a gem! What a pearl! Beyond rubies is our little girl! How can we speak of debt? Let's not haggle for darling Cosette!"

"Cut! Too much action, alright everybody;" Kenny jumped down from his director's seat. He walked onto the rink, with his own signature pair of ice skates, before starting to go through some complicated dance moves. In fact, they weren't real dance moves, but instead a mixture of hip-hop, ballroom, ballet, and figure skating. Once the double cast and the original cast got all of the moves perfected... they started up again.

"What to do? What to say? Shall you carry our treasure away? What a gem! What a pearl! Beyond rubies is our little girl! How can we speak of debt? Let's not haggle for darling Cosette!" Thenardier sung loudly. Kenny nodded along with the music and smiled at the interpretive dance. The next verse went smoothly as Thenardier began to scream his words, "Dear Fantine, gone to rest; Have we done for her child what is best? Shared our bread. Shared each bone. Treated her like she's one of our own! Like our own, Monsieur!" Suddenly, he had long black hair and face paint. He was also holding his very own beginners guitar and 'whamming' out on it. It was at this point that Kenny pointed towards ValJean and did some important nodding.

"Your feelings do you credit, sir and I will ease the parting blow. Let us not talk of bargains or bones or greed, now, may I say, we are agreed?" ValJean, obviously, got all of his lines and moves. He was a true vision in that stylish outfit. Kenny was almost crying at the perfect way that Valjean delivered his lines.

"That would quite fit the bill, if she hadn't so often been ill. Little dear, cost us dear. Medicines are expensive, M'sieur. Not that we begrudged a sou, it's no more than we Christians must do!" Madame Thenardier sang as her stunt double began to do some of the more impressive flips and jumps. At one point, she even grabbed Dakota and threw her across the room.

"CUT!" Kenny screamed loudly. At his yell, the music stopped, the cast stopped dancing, and Bob removedhis jelly sandwich from his mouth. "I need more strobe lights!" At Kenny's command, red strobe lights turned on. "No! I want blue, green, yellow, and white lights! No red strobe lights!" He boomed and then these colors came on. The red was nowhere in sight. "From the top!" He yelled, before he whispered to Bob about more donuts.

The song began from the top and Thenardier began to sing, "What to do? What to say? Shall you carry our treasure away? What a gem! What a pearl! Beyond rubies is our little girl! How can we speak of debt? Let's not haggle for darling Cosette!" He threw his head backwards and continued, "Dear Fantine, gone to rest; Have we done for her child what is best? Shared our bread. Shared each bone. Treated her like she's one of our own! Like our own, Monsieur!"

ValJean continued, "Your feelings do you credit, sir and I will ease the parting blow.  
Let us not talk of bargains or bones or greed, now, may I say, we are agreed?"

Now Madame Thenardier skated up to the front and turned to stare at ValJean. He momentarily caught her off guard, but she quickly found her place in the song, ""That would quite fit the bill, if she hadn't so often been ill. Little dear, cost us dear. Medicines are expensive, M'sieur. Not that we begrudged a sou, it's no more than we Christians must do!"

Then, Thenardier lifted Maleficent and began to twirl around. As they twirled, Madame Thenardier sang her part and stared at ValJean, who happened to be dancing around with Cosette and Dakota. The only two who actually sang during this part were Thenardier and Mme. "One thing more, one small doubt  
There are treacherous people about  
No offense. Please reflect.  
Your intentions may not be correct?"

Then, when you thought this show couldn't be any better, ValJean and Dakota skated out. That's when perfection itself was heard, "No more words. Here's your price.  
Fifteen hundred for your sacrifice. Come, Cosette, say goodbye, let us seek out some friendlier sky. Thank you both for Cosette, it won't take you too long to forget." Quickly, Cosette and Dakota traded places as the show finally ended. A round of applause came from the audience when consisted of Bob, Kenny, and all of the crew. The cast bowed and walked off the set.

**One Month Later**

News Reporter: I am Jeffery McCarber here with CNBES. Breaking News! The Number One Movie Musical Show in the history of the Movie Musical Shows is The Thenardier Waltz of Treachery! We'll be back in 45 seconds.

_______________________________________________________________________  
Hope you liked it! 2 chapters in 2 weeks! I think that's a record! Anyways, R and R and you win a ValJean action figure and a jelly filled donut! We'll write more soon! :] Thanks for reading!


	10. Cutting Me Off

_Previously in Les Misney..._

_Then, when you thought this show couldn't be any better, ValJean and Dakota skated out. That's when perfection itself was heard, "No more words. Here's your price.  
Fifteen hundred for your sacrifice. Come, Cosette, say goodbye, let us seek out some friendlier sky. Thank you both for Cosette, it won't take you too long to forget." Quickly, Cosette and Dakota traded places as the show finally ended. A round of applause came from the audience when consisted of Bob, Kenny, and all of the crew. The cast bowed and walked off the set._

_**One Month Later**_

_News Reporter: I am Jeffery McCarber here with CNBES. Breaking News! The Number One Movie Musical Show in the history of the Movie Musical Shows is The Thenardier Waltz of Treachery! We'll be back in 45 seconds._

After the ice show, Kenny Ortega, legendary director, came up with a brilliant idea. Well, a brilliant idea for a director, anyway. He gathered the cast and crew to tell him of his novel idea. The cast looked confused, except Valjean who, in his perfection, already knew what Kenny was going to say.

"As you all know, Waltz of Treachery has become the single most popular musical of all time, generating $8 million in sales over the first minute of its opening. For this reason, I have decided to create a sequel!" Murmurs of excitement were heard throughout the crowd, except for Thenardier, who threatened that he had better have a stunt double in the next show "or else".

"And I have more exciting news! NASA has just created a time machine and they have just brought a person back to present day from almost one thousand years into the future! This person will be starring in our sequel!" Kenny Ortega motioned to the door of the set. Everyone's heads turned as they watched it slowly creak open. A lanky boy stood in the doorway. He had a poofy mop of brown hair, and looked like he was twelve, though he was in his late teens.

"Mr. Nick Jonas, everyone!" Kenny introduced. Nick smiled and waved, before motioning to his entourage of brothers. They began to set up their instruments on the poorly designed streets of fake Paris.

"'Ow do you do? My name's Nick. These are my people." He stood in between his Kevin and Joe, as they struggled to figure out the drum kit. "Here's my patch. Not much to look at, nothing posh; Nothing that you'd call up to scratch-" He was just getting into the groove of things when Kenny cut him off.

"Nick! That was great, big fan big fan." Kenny air kissed Nick's face before continuting, "However, we're not sure if that's the direction we really wanted you to go in. Why don't you try something a little more modern? Just to show the cast what they're missing." He nodded enthusicalely and went back to sit on his comfy, velvet, director's chair. A crash of drums and a cocaphony of sounds emitted from the instruments as Nick began to head bang. ValJean actually looked up from filing his nails to stare in disbelief at the noises coming from them. It was like, like the future of music. And go figure, when you heard the words.

"I've been to the year 3000, not much has changed but they live under water! And your great, great, great, granddaughter is doing fine! Doing fineee!" He wailed and jumped off the stage, his mic waving in the air wildly. The cast of the Waltz encircled the group and jumped up and down, wigs were tossed into the air and even ValJean was breaking out the moves. "He took me to the future in the flex thing, and I saw everything," He continued to wail at the growing crowd. Kenny looked around in a panicked frenzy as young teenage girls began crawling into the room. They came in from the windows, doors, even the gutters themselves! Kenny looked to the cast and realized that they had formed a mosh pit, with ValJean riding the crowd to the front of the impromptu concert. He was so beautiful, even in the sweaty pit, that everyone who touched him fainted from absolute joy. It was a disaster. "Boy bands and another and anot-" Kenny ran up to Nick and grabbed the mic away.

"That's enough! Stop it!" Kenny threw his hat at Joe and flung his director's script onto the drum kit. "Everyone go home!" The cast that was still conscious began to leave, glad for the day off. "Not you idiots! The cast stays here. Everyone else leaves!"

"Aww," The cast sat down and grumbled to themselves. They were already bored. The teenage girls left back through the way they came and soon the set was empty except for cast and the Jonas Brothers.

"Why'd you stop us, man? The crowd was going wild!" Nick cried, his hair stuck to his forehead.

"You were giving too much information away about the future! I had to stop you." Kenny ran a hand over his balding head and sighed

"But you didn't have to cut me offf! Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing! And I don't even need your love," Nick sang passionately, his heart breaking in intensity.

"But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough! No, you didn't have to stoop so low." Kenny continued for Nick, their voices blending together and naturally harmonizing as they finish the verse. "Have your friends collect your records and then change your number, I guess that I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I – USED TO KNOW!" They screamed, agony on their faces. The room was silent.

"_SOMEBODY!"_ Valjean's perfect falsetto cut through the silence, blending in with the Gotye cover perfectly.

As soon as Valjean's voice was heard, the screaming, almost-psychotic mob of hormonal teenage girls crawled back through the gutters and in front of the stage. They looked up at Valjean in complete admiration. All they wanted was for Valjean to _look _at them, to acknowledge their pitiful existences. As Nick, Kenny, and Valjean continued to sing "Somebody That I Used To Know", another song had begun.

"Look down and see the beggars at your feet  
Look down and show some mercy if you can!"

It was the mob of girls, pleading in song at Valjean. Though both songs were being sung simultaneously, they blended together flawlessly. The harmonies, the rhythm, every aspect of the songs were perfect.

Valjean obeyed the borderline-violent mob, giving them a wink of one of his aquamarine eyes. A few of them fainted, and a few of them even died on the spot. The survivors, however, continued to sing their song as Kenny, Nick and Valjean finished another verse of Gotye. Now it was time for Kimbra's appearance, and Nick graciously volunteered himself to sing Kimbra's part, because he was the only one that could hit all of the high notes with his pre-pubescent voice.

"Look down and see the sweepings of the street  
Look down, look down,  
Upon-"

"HUNG UP ON SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO _KNO-O-W_" Nick wailed.

"Your fellow teenage girl!" One girl in the front was quickly making her way to the front of the stage, where ValJean was smiling and waving graciously. He was a pro at making humanity sigh in delight. The young girl threw her long ponytail and managed to get it wound onto a metal pole at the top of the set. As she continued to tighten her hair, Nick sang "But you didn't have to cut me off!"

Finally, she was able to begin her climb up the side of the set where she began to sing over Nick, her deep voice jutxapositioned with his falsetto. "How do you like do? My name's Gavrochea.  
These are my like people. Here's my patch.  
Not much to look at, nothing posh  
Nothing that you'd call up to scratch.  
This is my high school, my high society," she climbed the wall, using her hair as a rope to keep herself up. She managed to make it to the top of poorly built wooden set, using her pathetically small arms to lift. "Here in the suburbs of San Fran  
We live on crumbs of humble piety  
Tough on the teeth, but what the hell!  
Think you're poor?  
Think you're free?  
Follow me! Follow me!" Now, as she began to sing the rest of the cast began to notice her literal rise to the top. They slowly started to stare at her, puzzled at what she was doing. The teenage girls would've looked to see her if they could only take their eyes off Valjean. Even Gavrochea had spent time pausing in the climb in order to stare at his gorgeous locks, streaming down his back.

"Hey! What's that girl doing?" Kenny yelled over the strains of not only Gavrochea, but also Nick, whose Kimbra solo was getting pretty intense. Kenny walked through the sea of lovesick girls, pushing them into each other. The girls who had fainted were much easier to get around. He paused by the stage and quickly turned around, into the direction of his camera. Valjean noticed what he was doing, as he notices everything, and smiled. He hoped this scene would be over soon, he had babies in burning buildings to save. Kenny quickly grabbed a hold of the pink, sparkly camera emblazoned with "Kenny 3" and the matching tripod, and hit record. Meanwhile, Gavrochea and her rapidly diminishing group (they were fainting rapidly), sang "Look down and show some mercy if you can, Look down, look down, upon your fellow man!"

Nick, finally abandoning his Kimbra solo, stepped up to the metaphorical bat and began to sing, "Where are the leaders of the land? Where are the swells who run the show?" There was an awkward silence as they waited for someone to pick up where they left off. Suddenly, Aladdin came bursting through the door, with the words of Marius on his lips. "Only one man – and that's Lamarque, speaks for the people here below!" His magic carpet flew him so that he was above Valjean. He reached out his hand, and Valjean grabbed it. "Lamarque is ill and fading fast! Won't last the week out, so they say," Aladdin sang as Valjean gracefully sat on the carpet next to him. It was nice to get to be so high up.

"With all the anger in the land, How long before the judgment day? Before we cut the fat ones down to size!? Before the BARRICADES ARISE?" Nick shouted to the crowd, really getting into it. He started to play his air guitar, his face scrunched up in concentration. The crowd finished their last chants of look down, and Kenny grinned in satisfaction.

"AND THAT'S A WRAP." Kenny screamed


End file.
